


Change

by Lozza342



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fights, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, If You Squint - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Makeup Sex, Making Up, Mention of - Freeform, Post-Canon, Praise Kink, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:21:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lozza342/pseuds/Lozza342
Summary: The once warm room becomes cold, and all either of them want to do is wrap their arms around the other and forget it, but nothing surfaces. Nothing but racing heartbeats and unspoken words.Iwaizumi has had enough of Kindaichi’s ‘I’m not good enough for you’ bullshit. Time and time again he shows that, playfully threatens to beat it into him and yet… he’s still no different to the boy he was two years ago in that respect. Despite everything else, he can’t let go of the past. He can’t believe that he doesn’t have to live up to anyone’s standards just to be desirable. How many times does Iwaizumi have to tell him…hedesires him, through and through.(Explicit rating only applies to the second chapter.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my first ever requester, [Aotomegane](https://aotomegane.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!
> 
> This was a joy to write, and the first fic I've been this dedicated to.
> 
> Oh, I also have a Tumblr now, [here](https://lozza342.tumblr.com/)! Come and say hi! Or request something!

"N-Not like that!” Kindaichi says in panic, throwing his arms up. Iwaizumi is frowning, his hands in fists at his sides. “I… I’m not saying…”

“I know what you’re saying, Yuutarou.” Iwaizumi interrupts. His tone makes Kindaichi flinch, hang his head beneath his shoulders. It’s a tone Kindaichi is unfamiliar with. It’s anger and upset and it cuts through the air to leave it still. Deafening silence falls, and although neither of them can bear it, the silence drags. 

The once warm room becomes cold, and all either of them want to do is wrap their arms around the other and forget it, but nothing surfaces. Nothing but racing heartbeats and unspoken words. 

Iwaizumi has had enough of Kindaichi’s ‘I’m not good enough for you’ bullshit. Time and time again he shows that, playfully threatens to beat it into him and yet… he’s still no different to the boy he was two years ago in that respect. Despite everything else, he can’t let go of the past. He can’t believe that he doesn’t have to live up to anyone’s standards just to be desirable. How many times does Iwaizumi have to tell him…  _ he _ desires him, through and through. 

_ You just feel sorry for me.  _

No. He's not taking that. He can't. After all he's done. He can't take it anymore. "You think everything I do is because I take pity on you?! Is that it?!" 

Kindaichi's eyes widen, taking in Iwaizumi's red face. "N-No." He says, but the word is uncertain. "I'm… I didn't mean it like that." 

Gritting his teeth, Iwaizumi stepped forward. Their height difference hasn't changed much from high school, but Iwaizumi never lost the ability to puff himself up. "What  _ else _ is it supposed to mean?! I bend over backwards trying to make you happy and you- you think it's not because I-" 

Iwaizumi pauses, heaving breaths, tongue heavy in his throat. All he can hear is blood rushing through his ears.  _ Ba-dump. Ba-dump.  _

"- _ care _ about you?!" 

Dumbfounded, Kindaichi is lost for words, but Iwaizumi watches his brows draw close. "You're just proving that I  _ am _ a burden! Yet you just can't admit you've only kept me around this long because you don't want to hurt me!" 

It was Iwaizumi's turn for surprise to hit him. Where did  _ that _ come from? 

Too long passed, in Iwaizumi's head anger broiling. The sheer power Kindaichi's voice held was enough to know. He'd been thinking that for a long time. "If you think that… you can get out." He says. He doesn't think he's ever used that tone before. It's unfeeling and cold. Everything he's inherently  _ not _ . 

Iwaizumi can't watch Kindaichi's reaction. He knows it'll break his heart even more. Even hearing the sounds of uncertainty in the back of Kindaichi's throat, he drops his gaze and keeps it stuck firmly on the floor. Word final. 

It takes a few moments. Iwaizumi gives him that to soak it in, reconsider. 

"O-OK." Kindaichi says. It's laden with disbelief, hesitation, but when Iwaizumi doesn't move, Kindaichi understands. "I'll… s-see myself out then." 

Iwaizumi waits for the apartment door to slam behind him. He'll never admit it made him flinch. While he had been filled with boiling rage, the way Kindaichi's attempt at staying stern fell flat, voice completely crumbling, now regret took its place. All that anger at Kindaichi dissipated, as it always did. 

How could he have gotten mad? 

Knees almost giving out beneath him, Iwaizumi lowers himself to the small couch, letting himself be swallowed whole by the dips worn out from use. 

Kindaichi isn't a burden to him. Far from it. In fact, Iwaizumi thinks that it's Kindaichi keeping  _ him _ together. Through everything that had happened since high school, Kindaichi was the one to bring him that little piece of familiarity. Familiarity in the form of that nervous innocence, brash clumsiness and sweet charm. 

He hadn't changed much since Iwaizumi left high school, at least towards him. When Iwaizumi got the chance to actually watch him without being in the way - yes, he tended to watch, how could he not? - Kindaichi had changed. A lot. 

It didn't take long to realise that Kindaichi was different around him. No… Kindaichi was the  _ same _ around him? Either way it was obvious. 

Kindaichi was learning to be fake. 

And Iwaizumi hated it. 

He's hated how when Kindaichi wasn't with him he was pretending to be someone he wasn't. Unfortunately, Iwaizumi understood all too well. He himself hadn't hoped to fit into the university scene easily either. Maybe he had been the same way, it was probably an unconscious thing. After all, there was nothing wrong with wanting to fit in. 

Except that… 

Kindaichi, like Iwaizumi, could only be himself around him. 

Everything he kept in when he was away came like a flood when they were together. And most of that? His feelings of inferiority. Sure, he was nonchalant about it, another unconscious action. 

It was hard to fit in where you don't belong. 

Don't get Iwaizumi started on the  _ people _ . Kageyama couldn't hold a candle to the viciousness of some students. Relatively safe before in the bubble of Aoba Johsai, the friendly rivalries and competition, now he'd been swallowed whole. 

Honestly, that was part of the reason he was so insistent of meeting up regularly and checking up on him. 

Maybe he had been overbearing but… 

Iwaizumi liked him… a lot. He couldn't bear watching him try and be a rebel like the rest of them. 

"Don't do something stupid…" He muttered, running his hands down his face. Refusing to acknowledge the wetness on his face, Iwaizumi stood up, watching the door as if expecting Kindaichi to just come back in at that second. 

He had left his keys. And his coat. And his phone. 

Iwaizumi couldn't even call him. 

\- 

Stupid, stupid! Why did he say that?! 

Kindaichi dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, letting his legs unfold from where he had had them held to his chest. 

Everything was going so well. Kindaichi was… happy, so why did he say that?! 

Cursing himself again and again, Kindaichi bit his lip, slid his hands to the sides of his head and curled fingers into his hair. It was cold outside, and the wind bit at his exposed skin but he couldn't care. Tears fell freely down his cheeks again, no amount of wiping his eyes could stop them. 

Did… Iwaizumi just break up with him? 

He considered finding one of his friends. He knew the hangout spots by now, where he'd stand and chat and pretend to enjoy the smoke burning his throat. At least then he'd be able to try and forget. But then… like this… would they even care? 

Red-eyed, sniffling, insecure Kindaichi. No-one cared about that Kindaichi. Only the one that made them laugh by putting others down, that traded volleyball for drinking, pushed attention far enough away from himself while talking that people paid more mind to what he said than his person. 

He would be eaten up if it wasn't for that. 

And yet… Iwaizumi was different. 

Hell, Kindaichi felt the fear of the gods last time Iwaizumi spotted him smoking. 

He had stopped. Never wanted to start in the first place. Yet… Iwaizumi wasn't mad in the end, he seemed more… upset. 

At the time, Kindaichi argued that he was his own person, could do what he wanted, but in the end… Kindaichi knew he was right. Iwaizumi was  _ always _ right. So he stopped. 

He got shit for it from his friends, calling him a "pussy". Kindaichi, the idiot that he was, simply told them, "My boyfriend said he'd break up with me and he's hot, so…" 

They had laughed at that, the way he held his arms up and rolled his eyes like he hated having to do it when it was, in fact, the opposite. It took so much weight off his shoulders… Until he realised how much he disrespected Iwaizumi to do so. 

He hated himself. The him that was too much of a coward to show his own personality, as well as the him that was a total dick. Who was so fucked up that they would use the one person who was keeping them sane for their own delusive personality? 

Kindaichi, that's who. The cowardly and pathetic Kindaichi. The Kindaichi who couldn't even take two steps from the front door before giving up and breaking down into tears. 

If Iwaizumi didn't like him… Who did? 

Iwaizumi… the guy who even now as his boyfriend was everything to him. His senpai, his mother, his father, his brother. Iwaizumi kept him on his feet, scolded him when he did something wrong, praised him when he did something right, cooked him meals and helped with his assignments. 

Iwaizumi was Kindaichi's safe place. Iwaizumi didn't judge him for being a mess of clumsy limbs and jumbled words, not for his tendency to talk his ears off about T.V. nor his weird eating habits and endless energy. And not least of all for the tiny slip of distance he kept from him. 

Every time they got too close he would shy away, and Iwaizumi was respectful of that. He didn't say anything but Kindaichi knew. Iwaizumi wanted more and Kindaichi was too scared. 

Hell, he'd come so far even since high school and the one person he was keeping distance from was the one person he was closest to. Even Kageyama kept telling him to man up. 

_ You're not the only one in this relationship, Kindaichi. It's a give-and-take. Stop being selfish.  _

Needless to say, he valued Kageyama a lot more now than he did a few years ago. Even though the message had made him grind his molars at first it was only because he knew it was true. 

"I'm sorry, Hajime…" Kindaichi mutters, breath crisp in the air. A siren passing by makes him jump, and suddenly everything around him is in-focus. 

A door slams shut below him and a voice calls out over the courtyard. He can't remember the guy's name but he knows he's in his second year. Kindaichi watches through the mesh of the apartment block's third-storey walkway as he rushes off and he sighs wearily. 

It's late. He's probably going out drinking. Kindaichi thinks he may be twenty, but it's not worth even trying to decide whether drinking underage is morally wrong. He'd done it, despite never expecting to do something like that in his life. 

All to impress some lowlife university students who probably couldn't give two shits about him. He's tall, he gets away with looking older than he is and that's his popularity through the roof, just like that. 

Who was it he always wanted to impress? Before the pressure of attending lectures and handing in assignments on-time, having millions of alarms set at all times of the day reminding him to study, to eat, to nap? 

_ Click.  _

The door next to him opens. It's an answer. 

Kindaichi doesn't have time to look before a boot kicks his foot and the figure still pulling on his coat stumbles. Like a rabbit in headlights, Kindaichi's eyes are wide. He wants to curl up into a ball. He tries, hoping Iwaizumi doesn't notice him. 

Futile, of course, who the hell doesn't notice the person they just tripped over? 

\- 

"Y-Yuutarou!" Iwaizumi shouts as he recognises the boy slumped over on the floor. Kindaichi just tenses further, hugging his knees to his chest. Seeing his long limbs curled so tightly twists Iwaizumi's gut. 

He had kicked Kindaichi out… and he was just… sat outside. 

To be honest, it was probably one of the best outcomes. At least he hadn't gone off the rails to spite him. Still, even in his coat, Iwaizumi was shivering. 

Kindaichi was too, vibrating with cold. Without hesitation, Iwaizumi crouched down, poked his shoulder and smiled. If anything, Kindaichi needed to know that while he had made a bold, unfounded and pretty hurtful statement about Iwaizumi's intentions, it wasn't enough to fall out over. 

Regret had sunk into both of them. Iwaizumi wondered if it had been just as quick with Kindaichi as it had with him. 

They were still both young, learning how to deal with things. Being in a relationship was newer to Kindaichi than Iwaizumi too, and for that, Iwaizumi had been cutting him some slack - and still is - but enough's enough. 

"Yuutarou, I thought you'd have run off with one of your classmates. Was worried sick!" He says softly, forgoes poking him to thread a hand in his hair and attempt to tilt his head up from his knees. "And yet you're right under my nose!" 

"Hajime…" 

His voice cracks a bit. Iwaizumi knows he's been crying. He can hear it. 

"I'm… I'm sorry…" 

Iwaizumi curls his arm around Kindaichi's shoulder. With his other hand, Iwaizumi tilts his head up, forces him to look at him. "Listen. I didn't mean to kick you out… we both said stupid things…" 

"I know, I-! I didn't mean to make you feel like- like I don't appreciate what you do!" 

"Shh," Iwaizumi soothes, because Kindaichi's breath catches in his throat and his voice is raised, "Let's get ourselves inside. You're… You're  _ freezing _ ." 

By the way Kindaichi shudders, Iwaizumi can tell he's only just realising that fact. Too focused on other things to worry about his health. "O-OK." 

Unlike Kindaichi's university persona, he very easily takes Iwaizumi's offered hand to pull himself to his feet rather than refusing, and sinks into him when he opens the door to their apartment. 

\- 

Iwaizumi sits him down, wraps him up in a warm blanket and boils some water for tea, no matter how much Kindaichi refuses and protests. Even if Kindaichi's also not in the mood to drink, at least it'll warm his hands up. 

Well, that's the plan, as Iwaizumi passes him his mug and sits down next to him with his own. The silence stretches on again but it's not as awkward as last time. They both sip their tea and settle down, enjoy the comfortable silence. Iwaizumi knows he'll be the one to break it. Kindaichi does, too, by the way he looks constipated in anticipation for a grilling. 

He knows Iwaizumi too well, and even flinches a bit when Iwaizumi clears his throat. "I shouldn't have thrown you out…" 

"I don't blame you, Hajime." 

Iwaizumi blinks, watching Kindaichi's fingers clasp the mug, interwoven with each other and gripping like he's scared to drop it. Iwaizumi thinks it's more likely to shatter with his death grip. It wasn't entirely unexpected of Kindaichi to say, though, he had already quickly apologised for his comment earlier, yet Iwaizumi didn't now consider it was appropriate to just send him away for that. "You should. I was being selfish, but," 

It's easy to see the dip of Kindaichi's head. He  _ knows _ . He  _ knows _ what he's done, how he's made Iwaizumi feel, but Iwaizumi isn't going to hold back this time. 

"So were you." 

The way Kindaichi bites his lip proves he expected this. All the better, really. If he knows what's coming, he's going to take it. Otherwise he never would've stayed this long. 

"You aren't the only one in this relationship…" Iwaizumi said with a soft sigh, one he had needed to sigh for a long time. Kindaichi shifted to look at him, but he didn't seem surprised that Iwaizumi was saying that, slinking sheepishly back into the sofa when Iwaizumi didn't look back at him. 

He was childish as ever, the way he dipped his tea once and kept his head ducked. Iwaizumi looked back at him once he knew for sure he wasn't looking. 

"I'm trying… I'm trying to make you see it… but you're too caught up in yourself, you don't even  _ listen _ to me half the time." 

"I… I know I'm being selfish, I just… don't know what to do anymore… No-one likes me. Sometimes… even you-" 

"Don't." Iwaizumi interrupts, curt tone leaving Kindaichi's sentence unfinished. He's looking up now. They're both looking at each other and Iwaizumi hopes Kindaichi can see how much it hurts him to even think about what he was going to say. "Just don't." 

"I'm sorry… I-I don't know what I've been doing wrong…" 

"You want me to tell you?" 

At least that gave him the option. No matter how much Iwaizumi could just talk at him. It only mattered if Kindaichi was going to listen. Although Kindaichi took a second, huffed amusedly at something, he nodded. "Yeah…" 

The next pause was a cue for them to put down their mugs. Kindaichi did first, turning his attention like it was some kind of formal announcement he was expecting, legs crossed awkwardly on the sofa. Iwaizumi followed, twisting his upper body to face him, resting his arm on the back of the sofa. 

"You know what bothers me the most? You've got a really good brain," Iwaizumi begins, tapping Kindaichi's temple softly with a knuckle, "and yet you got such a thick skull." 

Maybe it had been said, at one point or another, and not in such a manner, because Kindaichi stiffens a bit and frowns. It's cute because he looks a lot like fifteen-year-old Kindaichi, rather than the nineteen-year-old he is now.  _ That's _ something he can get behind. 

"Where did you go, Yuutarou?" 

"Eh?" Kindaichi asks, confusion evident in his eyes. It sucks because Iwaizumi can't see them that much now he's tearing up. 

"You're even starting to change around me… and I can't take that, Yuutarou. I like  _ you _ . And if I don't act like I  _ do _ like you… maybe that's because you're not yourself." 

It hurts to say, and Iwaizumi's heart twists in his chest. Saying it aloud is much worse than he anticipated. And Kindaichi… is oblivious. That, or too in shock to take it in. "Hajime…?" 

A hand extends towards him, stops at the threshold of touching him, fingers curled inward. Just there, ready to wipe newly shed tears from the crease at the top of Iwaizumi's cheek. And it drops, retreats just as quick. 

Damnit if he shows a shred of caring, huh? 

"Yuutarou… You don't have to appeal to everyone. You don't have to… _ appease _ everyone." Iwaizumi breathes in through his mouth so as not to sniffle, wipes his own eyes with the back of his hand. Roughly, getting them out of the way so he can say his piece. "People who don't like you… _ inherently _ aren't going to like you. And that's something wrong with them, not you." 

Kindaichi is looking intently at him now. Maybe it's because he's never seen him cry before. Good. Because Iwaizumi needs that. His undivided attention. Like back in middle school and high school; the stares and the aweing, the respect and admiration. He needs that. He needs Kindaichi as much as Kindaichi needs him. That is non-negotiable. 

"I know it feels like it's the right thing to do… to stop yourself drowning in the crowd and beaten into the mud. I would know." Iwaizumi twitches his lips up, watches realisation wash over Kindaichi. He opens his mouth to question, but Iwaizumi whips his hand up, presses a finger to his lips. "I could go into detail… but I won't. It's a long story and way off-topic." He says, shutting down any way out for Kindaichi. 

Kindaichi nods in understanding. Quiet, his hands curl into his lap. He looks like a kid being taught a life lesson by his father. Maybe… it's not too far off the mark. 

Slipping his hand back down from Kindaichi's face, he so desperately wants to take one of Kindaichi's also. Instead, he adjusts to sit cross-legged too, facing him in a mirror image. His knees aren't stuck out as awkwardly as Kindaichi's, but he still finds it mildly uncomfortable where a spring juts into his thigh. 

"But what's more important is you. If you're feeling down, it's because of something you're doing wrong. You're trying too hard, Yuutarou. Just… stop trying to change to fit everyone's ideal descriptions. You'll run yourself ragged and still feel shit when all is said and done." 

Kindaichi's eyes cast down guiltily. Iwaizumi doesn't let him dwell on guilt, though, tipping his head up with a hand under his chin. 

"Deep down inside I know it's you. You're trying to make sense of this new world you're tossed into without a care. You're failing miserably… because you're you." 

The crease of a frown on Kindaichi's forehead was expected, but Kindaichi is  _ thinking _ , so he doesn't say anything. Iwaizumi doesn't continue, let's him think until tears well up in his eyes. 

"Some people aren't made to weather things alone, Yuutarou, and I think we're two of them." 

Iwaizumi reaches out to take Kindaichi's hand, pull it from his own lap into his. Kindaichi's gaze follows it, but he doesn't pull his hand back. "I didn't think-" Kindaichi hiccups, waits for Iwaizumi to stop him. He doesn't. Iwaizumi has said enough. "I didn't think… that's what you were mad about…" 

Pursing his lips, Iwaizumi tilts his head, catches Kindaichi's gaze with his own. "I'm mad because you act as if there are other people you want to adore you. You focus so much on trying to impress them, not to let them down… Do you know how many dates you've skipped out on to play with your rebel crew?" 

Instantly, Kindaichi's hand stiffens in his hold. Iwaizumi almost  _ feels _ it go cold. "H-Hajime…! I-!" 

"Damnit…" Kindaichi's mouth snaps shut, wide eyes trained on him. "If you want to be so selfish… at least let me be selfish too." Iwaizumi says with humour through yet more tears. Kindaichi was so focused on his so-called  _ friends _ , he hadn't even considered how lonely he left Iwaizumi. "When was the last time you tried to impress  _ me _ , Yuutarou?" 

"I'm… the shittiest boyfriend in the world…" Kindaichi says brokenly, and Iwaizumi laughs humorlessly. 

"Don't swear, Yuutarou. It doesn't suit you." 

Oh.  _ Oh _ what he would've given to see that before now. Kindaichi's ducked head, face red with guilt... like a scolded child, like a teenage boy disappointing his crush. Except tears drip from his cheeks and into his lap and Iwaizumi leans forward, wipes his cheeks with his free hand, like Kindaichi was going to do for him before. 

"Forget the people who don't like  _ you _ , Kindaichi. Well, I don't like you, either…" 

A beat passes. Kindaichi grits his teeth, like he's expecting the opposite to what Iwaizumi wants to do. Even if it's a small reaction, Iwaizumi is holding his hand, can feel it tighten to say "don't leave me". 

"Or rather… I don't  _ just _ like you." 

_ Ba-dump. Ba-dump.  _

Lips on fire, Iwaizumi leans forward, squeezes Kindaichi's hand like he's going to run away. They both need it. To stop pretending to be OK with each other as they were just to avoid…  _ this _ . This conversation, this situation. Because they both felt like shit and hated themselves. 

It was necessary though. To move on. To move  _ up _ . And it was over, for the most part. Everything out in the open, exposed and vulnerable. Kindaichi didn't do intimacy very well because he hid himself away under layers of insecurity, but hell if Iwaizumi was going to let him stay that way. 

Iwaizumi hopes Kindaichi's heartbeat is as rapid as his own as he moves to his ear. 

"I love you, Yuutarou." 

Kindaichi swallows, Iwaizumi watches his Adam's apple as he does. He doesn't expect an answer, not now. Not after today. Even still, Iwaizumi gets a wordless one. 

By the way Kindaichi doesn't pull away, curl up like he's done so often in the past. It's not like he's a confident person when it comes to…  _ them _ . Almost like it's too real, that it would be gone if he acknowledges it. 

But it wouldn’t. Iwaizumi isn't someone that takes relationships lightly. In fact, he's the opposite. Kindaichi is a massive part of his life, has been since he was fifteen. Maybe he wouldn't have considered it then, but he does now. 

Kindaichi is the one. And he'll make damn sure he knows it. 

"You and only you." He reiterates, tilting his head to kiss his cheek. 

Iwaizumi can feel it heat beneath his lips as he drags them forward, brushing so softly against his skin. Then they're at the corner of Kindaichi's lips and at this distance he's able to catch Kindaichi's watery, surprised eyes in his. "I…" 

Nah, it can wait. Iwaizumi doesn't need Kindaichi to say it. 

It's simple to shut him up, angling to catch his lips on the next word. Iwaizumi's tongue brushes along the ridge of his bottom lip. He stays there for a few seconds before pulling back a few centimetres. 

"So don't change. Don't think you're not good enough... 'cause you are. And if you're good enough for me, why should anyone else matter?" 

"Wow…" Kindaichi breathes, ghosting over Iwaizumi's neck as he moves back further. They make eye-contact before Kindaichi quickly ducks. He's red all over, blush spreading down his neck and over the small piece of exposed collarbone. 

It's at this point that Iwaizumi realises this is as far as they've gone with each other. A simple taste of tongue has Kindaichi blooming fire. "Promise me. Promise me you won't change." 

Cupping his chin, Iwaizumi guides his face up, brushing the space below his lip with a thumb. Kindaichi avoids his gaze at all costs. Iwaizumi just smiles, intertwining his fingers with Kindaichi's in their sweaty hold. "Promise." He says quietly, squeezing his hand back. "I promise." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try and get to updating my fics once I've finished this. I'm struggling keeping up with everything a little at the moment, but thanks to this I've gotten a little bit of motivation behind me.
> 
> Please comment, or drop me a message on my [Tumblr](https://lozza342.tumblr.com/). I appreciate just kudos too, though!
> 
> Next chapter escalates pretty quickly. Fluff & smut to come.


	2. Chapter 2

The second time, Kindaichi expects it, opens his mouth to accommodate, sucks in a breath that might as well have vacuumed Iwaizumi's lips to his. Their hands break apart, both seeking each other elsewhere. Iwaizumi slides his arm around Kindaichi to hug him closer, fingers digging softly into his back. His other caresses Kindaichi's cheek before threading into his hair at the back of his head to hold him steady. 

It's welcome that the younger holds him in return, both arms awkwardly slung around his shoulders. He's clearly not comfortable - neither of them are - but he's curling fingers into Iwaizumi's shirt and that is as much a plea to stay as any. 

Iwaizumi is confident to delve into the depths of Kindaichi's mouth, draw a surprised sound from the back of his throat. His nerve endings are on fire, practically able to feel the electricity pulsing through him. It’s invigorating along with the fast pounding of his heart, the tightness of his lungs. 

But that’s all secondary to the heat that surrounds him, to the muscle that tangles with his after ample coaxing. Like a dance - an awkward one, but beautiful all the same - their tongues slide over each other and Kindaichi shudders beneath Iwaizumi, who's about as close as he can get and crowding Kindaichi back against the arm of the settee. 

Reluctantly pulling apart, the tense muscles in Iwaizumi's arms begin to relax, releasing Kindaichi to lean right back against the settee. Ragged breathing fills what would've been silence and Iwaizumi can't do anything but look at the saliva on Kindaichi's lips highlighted by the dim ceiling lamp. 

Kindaichi's eyes are closed, lashes fluttering. His body seems to have lost all ability to move as he lies back, mouth agape and chest heaving. "Hajime." 

In response, Iwaizumi slides his hand from Kindaichi's head to his cheek, runs his thumb through drying spit on his lips, tracing the bottom ridge with it. "Yuutarou." He says over him, pulling his arm from beneath him to instead hold his hip. 

Kindaichi's given name comes out a lot more controlled than Iwaizumi's feeling. It's a skill that comes in handy in these situations. It gives the impression that he isn't completely and utterly and  _ shamefully _ excited. Nervous too, but then again… 

Just a flick of the eyes confirm Kindaichi is the exact same, and that's all the confidence he needs. 

Kindaichi is still aroused by him. He hasn't changed in that respect, either. 

A  _ squeak _ . That's the noise Kindaichi makes when Iwaizumi's hand gets adventurous, cupping the half-erection in Kindaichi's sweats. Kindaichi moves like lightning to grab his wrist, sit up and bring his knees together. Unfortunately or fortunately, it ends up trapping him there. Kindaichi's wide eyes stare at him in surprise. "What are you-?!" 

Iwaizumi squeezes his hand. His face is burning, but not as much as he imagines Kindaichi's is as he scrunches his eyes shut, ducking his head as he gasps, grips Iwaizumi that much tighter, squeezing his legs together as if that would stop him from doing it again. It doesn't, and Kindaichi's body shifts upwards of its own accord, bucking into his hand the second time. 

And damn if that isn't the cutest thing he's ever done, leaving Iwaizumi breathless for a moment and so very desperate to do it again, maybe coax some kind of noise from him… But in favour of giving him a chance to refuse, even just catch his breath, Iwaizumi doesn't do it again, allows Kindaichi to unscrew his face and look at him. 

"Excuse me if I'm being too forward…" 

Kindaichi opens one eye after the other, face straightening out as he does. He's panting hard, and a bead of sweat on his forehead rolls down his hairline. Well, at least he's all warmed up now from the cold… "Ha-Hajime…" He bites his lip until Iwaizumi cups his cheek again, then takes it as a cue to look up at him. 

"Just so you know… You, uh… You look… really cute." Compliment crumbling in his nervousness under Kindaichi's scrutiny, the pit in his stomach telling him Kindaichi really isn't into it, Iwaizumi ducks his head. "God, I'm such an idiot." 

Innocent, questioning eyes are felt on him, but Iwaizumi doesn't move, just licks his lips suddenly dry. 

"Do I?" 

"Yeah…" Iwaizumi says through a hot breath, body sagging. 

"You just… caught me off-guard…" 

Time for Iwaizumi to look up, both hands shaking. Kindaichi is blushing hard, but doesn't duck away again. He's smiling, too, which helps put Iwaizumi's mind at ease. Iwaizumi hasn't seen Kindaichi genuinely smile since their argument. 

"It's OK… I, uh, want to… If… If that's what-" 

"If that's what  _ you _ want, Yuutarou." 

"If that's what you were asking…" 

Heat hits Iwaizumi's face, skin tingling from dilating blood vessels under his skin. " _ Oh… _ " 

Kindaichi chuckles,  _ laughs _ at him, and it serves to do nothing but make him redder. In retaliation, Iwaizumi presses forward. Ah, to have him in the palm of his hand… quite literally. Yelping, Kindaichi tightens his grip that had been loosening, but Iwaizumi isn't stopping this time. Kindaichi isn’t laughing anymore, instead dissolved into simple noises in his throat. 

"Enjoying yourself there?" Iwaizumi asks, grin wide across his face while he kneads at Kindaichi's erection beneath fabric. While he's desperate to touch him for real,  _ feel _ him for real, even just see him… this is good enough for now. One of Kindaichi's legs jerks, his long limb trapped awkwardly as it struggles between falling against the back of the settee and squeezing shut. 

A sweet moan falls from Kindaichi's lips as soon as he opens his mouth to speak. It fires too much blood downward, leaving Iwaizumi light-headed. "F-Feels go-od." Kindaichi manages through stuttered breaths. Iwaizumi knows Kindaichi's trying to assure him. At least, Iwaizumi doesn't imagine Kindaichi wants to talk right now. In fact it's probably the  _ least _ he wants to do. 

"I'll only ever make you feel good. You know that, I know that." Iwaizumi says, punctuating his point by dragging his palm up, sucking in his bottom lip. Kindaichi slowly releases his wrist, slides it up his arm to grab his shoulder instead. 

"I do." Kindaichi smiles, all too quickly turning into more of an unsure grimace at the pressure of Iwaizumi's hand. 

"But… If I do happen to make a mistake, you just let me know." 

A whimper escapes, nervous at the fingers curling in his waistband. Iwaizumi wonders if anyone's ever seen him naked.  _ He _ sure hasn't. Maybe shirtless a couple of times in the summer, but nothing beyond that. Despite his affable and energetic attitude, Kindaichi is a shy person. All their months together officially as boyfriends gave Iwaizumi no further access beyond what they've done up until now. 

Well, it's definitely time to change that. 

Kindaichi doesn't protest, though his hand tightens nervously on Iwaizumi's shoulder. It's OK. Iwaizumi will do nothing but take care of him. 

Despite the little stumble in their relationship, Iwaizumi is nothing but certain that they're past it. Maybe it's his own insecurity also that brought them to this point but he doesn't care about blame. Just this. 

He pulls on Kindaichi's waistband, drags it over his erection. It twitches so minutely at the cold because… it's wet from Iwaizumi's hand. Kindaichi's other hand goes from gripping the back of the couch to cover his face. Iwaizumi can tell it's burning, he's never seen Kindaichi so red. "Hey, why so shy? It's only me." 

Kindaichi makes an unsure noise, but it makes Iwaizumi's heart thump once hard in his chest as he realises. He never lost his nervous kouhai in the first place. Kindaichi was just… used to him now. Not this, though. The new territory reverted him back and Iwaizumi was going to revel in every moment. 

"Never thought Iwaizumi-san would see you like this? Touch you…" Willing his hand not to shake, Iwaizumi strokes Kindaichi's cock with a single finger, from base to beneath the head and Kindaichi's entire body shudders. "...Like this?" 

Biting his lip, chewing it, Kindaichi doesn't make a sound. Iwaizumi leans forward to pluck his hand from his face. 

"Hmm?" 

"N-Never." Kindaichi says through a breath, eyes nervously darting, and it's at that moment Iwaizumi curls his fingers around him. Kindaichi's cock is thick in his hold, warm and wet with precome. Kindaichi drives unsteady hips upwards, thrusts unconsciously into Iwaizumi's hand. Surprised at his body's reaction and the pleasure it inevitably wrought, Kindaichi makes a drawn-out noise, halfway between a whine and a moan, and it's the hottest thing Iwaizumi's ever heard. 

"Yuutarou… I never thought I'd see you beneath me, either. Not like this." He says softly, taking the hand that had been covering his face to his other shoulder before placing his own on Kindaichi's stomach. "I've always wanted to… I want to take you apart. I want to see all of you." 

Sitting back on his heels, he watches Kindaichi's cock in his hold as he strokes him again. At this point, one of Kindaichi's legs falls away, knee jutting out from the settee. It can't be comfortable, but Kindaichi is in no way complaining, moaning softly at the hand stroking him. Iwaizumi reckons he's trying to be quiet due to nerves, and that's fine… but Iwaizumi wants to hear more. 

That's why he tightens his hold, adjusts the pressure of his fingers so when Kindaichi bucks, they drag tightly over sensitive skin. 

"Ah!" Kindaichi moans, his fingers digging almost painfully into Iwaizumi's shoulder blades. Tears form in the corners of his eyes, but he still bucks again, and again. "Hajime-" 

"Oh, you want me to move?" 

Iwaizumi in grinning, devious, but Kindaichi doesn't even manage to clock on. "Ye-es!" He stutters, and Iwaizumi obliges, pumping him in rhythm with his thrusts upwards but with no less pressure. 

Kindaichi's eyes squeeze shut, head thrown back against the stiff arm of the settee. His body isn't under his control, isn't listening to his brain. Iwaizumi knows that feeling, drags it out as long as he can. Because Kindaichi doesn't hold anything back. He can't be bashful and nervous when he's after just one thing. His body needs it, and is getting it without hesitation. 

But it's too quick, Iwaizumi wants it to last, so he eases the pressure a bit, fingers sliding through slick precome. He can do so much more, he knows ways he can drive him insane, but he doesn't.

Well, Kindaichi doesn't seem to need it, already panting like a dog in heat. Iwaizumi could even imagine his tongue lolling. He ducks to smile, even if Kindaichi isn't looking. Iwaizumi slides the fingers of his other hand beneath Kindaichi's shirt, drags it upwards, bunching it at the top of Kindaichi's chest. 

Kindaichi is… gorgeous. Iwaizumi has always known that, but sat hot between Kindaichi's legs, head filled with lust and lungs the heady scent of Kindaichi's arousal, that's all he can think. 

While he rakes eyes over Kindaichi's now exposed stomach and chest flushed red, heaving with the force of his breaths, Kindaichi opens his eyes. There's a moment Iwaizumi notices, but he doesn't meet them, licking his lips instead. 

"Ha-Hajime…?" Sweat-shined skin practically glitters as Kindaichi shifts upwards, tapping fingers on Iwaizumi's shoulders. "Is… Am I… doing something wrong?" He asks, before sucking in a breath. "Oh-! I- S-Sorry, let me-" 

Even so desperately hard, so desperately close, Kindaichi forgets himself, hand darting down to Iwaizumi's own erection straining his jeans. Iwaizumi had been desperately ignoring it, the almost-painful yet somehow still pleasant bite of being confined inside his jeans. Yet as soon as Kindaichi's hand knocks gently against his crotch, it comes back full-force. 

Before he gets carried away, however, he grabs Kindaichi's wrist to pull it away. 

"No, Yuutarou… I'll have my turn later." Iwaizumi says shakily with a wink. Because no way is he stopping at a hand job. 

Eyes widening, Kindaichi nods slowly. "O…OK…" He says, fingers curling. 

"Let me take care of you first. You must be wanting to come, right?" Iwaizumi asks nonchalantly, brushing his thumb over the head of Kindaichi's cock. He very quickly seems to realise his predicament, sudden intake of breath catching in his throat. 

"Hajime!" He shouts, possibly because he doesn't know what else to say. It's enough, however. It's beautiful. Iwaizumi loves it when Kindaichi says his given name, has done ever since he first used it. 

Brows drawn, eyes squeezed shut, Kindaichi's entire body is tense. Letting go of Kindaichi's wrist which flies to his own, he once again pushes Kindaichi's shirt up his body, watches his toned stomach scrunched in wait. "Almost… I bet if I…" 

Iwaizumi softens his hold, bends his thumb to tease Kindaichi's foreskin, run it over his sensitive glans. Kindaichi makes a muffled noise as he does, so Iwaizumi continues, tongue bitten in his mouth. He's careful, and when Kindaichi's grip gets bruising on his shoulder, he pulls it back, then drags his hand down, twisting his wrist even while tight in Kindaichi's hold. 

That's when Kindaichi loses it, upper body curling inward before he throws his head back with a shout he tries to muffle. His cock pulses in Iwaizumi's hold, coming hard over his stomach, all the way up to his chest. 

It's a sight Iwaizumi is definitely going to file away. 

Carefully, Iwaizumi removes his sticky hand from around him, Kindaichi's hand falling limp from his wrist. Sliding a finger through white release over slick muscle, Iwaizumi groans. "Hot… That was so hot…" 

Why did it take them so long? 

Iwaizumi grips Kindaichi's shirt, pulls him up towards him. Forget basking in bliss, eyelids fluttering, Kindaichi had much more interesting things to be doing. Like kissing him. 

Both make pained noises when their lips crash together, but Iwaizumi isn't a patient guy, not right now, and he sets quickly to claiming Kindaichi's mouth again. Kindaichi's movements are languid, and he doesn't complain about the roughness that his mouth is ravished, tongue passive while Iwaizumi's thrusts in. 

It's hot, wet, and when Kindaichi slowly regains his senses, he threads his arms around him, pushes forward as much as he can. Iwaizumi is burning with heat, shifts forward desperately. 

Kindaichi freezes when Iwaizumi wraps his arm around his back again, when cold, wet fingers dig into the flesh of his opposite hip. Iwaizumi registers the way Kindaichi goes rigid, but wordlessly tells him to ignore it by pulling him closer so he's practically in his lap. 

If it wasn't for the awkward position and his numb legs, Iwaizumi would be on board to do it right here, right now. But… it's uncomfortable, and Kindaichi's back must be shot, so he doesn't, quells the fire of lust to pull back. He drags his tongue out slow, ensuring a line of spit accompanies it. Kindaichi doesn't seem to know what to do but pull back and break it. 

He wipes his lips with the back of his hand, afterwards, and Iwaizumi makes sure to lean and nip his bottom lip in reprimand. He looks hot with spit-shined lips. "You, uh… Seem to have been pent up there, Yuutarou." He says with a blush, hoping it flusters him back up from his relaxed state. 

Kindaichi's eyes still seem somewhat unfocused, and breath leveled out. His orgasm sure got to him, though Kindaichi indeed flusters, cheeks growing pink. "What-? I didn't- I was-" 

Iwaizumi chuckles softly despite himself, kisses Kindaichi's chin. "You can say it." 

"I've… never done that before…" Kindaichi admits softly in a mumble, angling his head down to avoid scrutiny. 

"Yuutarou… You act like being a virgin is a bad thing…" 

"It's… not bad…  _ not _ being one, either." 

Iwaizumi sucks in a warm breath, huffs it back out just as quick, cheeks aching with his grin. "How was it?" 

"Awesome… As I imagined…" It's said breathy to their laps, ghosting between them and curling in their guts. 

The revelation that Kindaichi had imagined this shouldn't surprise Iwaizumi as much as it does, but all the same, Iwaizumi slides his arms around Kindaichi's middle and hugs him. "Yeah. Yeah it was." 

"I hope… I can do the same… for you." Kindaichi says unsurely, biting his lip. Iwaizumi pulls back from the embrace to look at him. There are dark spots on Kindaichi's creased shirt, where it's soaked in his come from being pressed to his body, and it makes Iwaizumi shiver. 

Iwaizumi is sure that Kindaichi can. Everything Kindaichi does is good enough for him, but Kindaichi deserves so much more. "You don't have to…" 

"Get over pretending you're not… horny right now…" 

_ Note to self: Never let Kindaichi get comfortable with dirty talk.  _

"Bold of you to think I'm pretending." Iwaizumi counters, raising an eyebrow. 

Kindaichi has the mind to look disheartened before closing his eyes and taking a breath. When they reopen, they're still unsure. "Bedroom?" 

Iwaizumi doesn't need another word… Or wait, is he supposed to pretend he's got himself under control? "To sleep? Sure." 

Clocking on, Kindaichi frowns, then rolls his eyes. "To have… sex." 

"With you?" 

"With me." 

Iwaizumi mimes pondering, eyes on the ceiling and taking a finger to his chin. "I'm not sure I want-" An undignified grunt takes the place of his next word, and his composure all but flies out the window at the sudden pressure of Kindaichi's hand. "Bedroom. Now." 

Although he's the one telling Kindaichi to move, he does instead, taking Kindaichi's wrist currently at his crotch and dragging him behind. Kindaichi stumbles after him, tugging his sweats up with his free, flailing hand. 

Iwaizumi flicks on the light as he practically storms in, swinging Kindaichi in front of him. He's not exactly easy to manhandle, long limbs and large muscle mass, but Iwaizumi's strength manages. "You've done it now. I don't think I've ever had to physically drag someone to the bedroom…" Iwaizumi winks, grabs his cheeks and pulls him into a kiss before either of them can reconsider. 

Iwaizumi stands on his tiptoes to meet at a comfortable distance, one foot in front of the other. His arms still fall weirdly around Kindaichi's shoulders at the high angle when he slides them around him, but Kindaichi is responding to his tongue's coaxing and that's about all Iwaizumi can think about as his mind dizzies. 

It's not enough though, and Kindaichi isn't even touching him. 

Innocence is not easily lost, not in Kindaichi's case. Good, in more ways than one, but… 

Pulling back with a smack of lips, Iwaizumi hums. "You gotta be comfortable, Yuutarou. Don't let me push you into somethin' you don't want just because you don't know what to say." Iwaizumi says, stepping forward and pushing him to sit on the bed. "Similarly… If there's something you want me to do… It could be anything, anytime. Say it." 

The innocent shine doesn't leave those wide eyes as Kindaichi nods. He doesn't seem to be paying much attention, staring into his own eyes. "O-OK." 

"Now…" Iwaizumi says with a long breath out, hands releasing Kindaichi's shoulders to curl into the hem of his own shirt. "I guess I'll take it from here." 

\- 

Iwaizumi pulls his shirt over his head and Kindaichi shudders at the sight. It's always been Kindaichi's weakness. Well… Kindaichi has lots of weaknesses. Iwaizumi as a whole is one of them but more specifically… 

The way his muscles ripple when he moves, fluid and strong and sensual. Kindaichi can't say how many times he fantasises about them, gets way too distracted even watching him write, when the muscles in his forearm undulate with every pen stroke. 

And seeing him shirtless is, well, breathtaking. Let alone right here right now, where Iwaizumi is planning to do something Kindaichi can only imagine. Imagine, because even though he's nineteen, he's never seeked it before… Never…  _ wanted _ it before… But now, it's all he wants. 

He thinks Iwaizumi wants it too, despite his attempt at a game earlier. 

Kindaichi makes an embarrassing noise as he swallows, Iwaizumi shoulders contorting beautifully as he pulls his shirt over his head. He can't do much but look, hands curled stiffly in the edge of the double bed. Sure, he wants to touch, wants to feel him, but watching is good for now. 

"You want me to undress you, too?" Iwaizumi asks, his lips twitched up at one corner. It's only one step down from chuckling at him, but Kindaichi can't care, staring up at his eyes because he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

He has to swallow the build-up of saliva in his mouth to say, "If you're offering…" 

"Just… get your damn clothes off, Yuutarou." Iwaizumi snorts, but Kindaichi notices the red blooming across his cheeks. He was certainly considering it there for a moment. Still, a little disheartened, Kindaichi pulls his own shirt off, arms stiff and janky in their movements. He's horrified at the mess on his stomach, strings of dried come crisp on his tan skin, so he covers himself with his arms sheepishly. 

Apparently not taking that as appropriate, Iwaizumi takes his forearms and pulls them away, holds them up in the air. Kindaichi keeps his head low, embarrassed and feeling too exposed.  _ I look like a mess… Don't mention it… Don't mention it…  _

"You made quite a mess…" 

Kindaichi shudders, entire body burning in embarrassment, but when he moves to cover himself again, Iwaizumi strengthens his hold. 

"It's hot." 

In the next moment, Iwaizumi pushes forward, leaving Kindaichi to do nothing but fall backwards to the bed. Kindaichi can't hold in a squeak of surprise at that. The pressure on his arms becomes bruising, but it's not unpleasant. Not when he looks up and Iwaizumi is the one pinning them there, when he's the one casting a shadow over him and looking at him with with eyes Kindaichi can only describe as hungry. 

Try ravenous, at the way Iwaizumi kneels one knee on the bed to lean further forward, dip his tongue once again in Kindaichi's mouth and kiss him. Kindaichi loves these kisses, he's decided, because for once it feels like Iwaizumi is taking what  _ he  _ wants for a change. Kindaichi is always being taken care of by Iwaizumi, and since Kindaichi wouldn't know where to start to take care of Iwaizumi… Iwaizumi can take care of himself, by using Kindaichi how he likes. 

The thought brings Kindaichi to shudder and Iwaizumi pulls back. "Too much?" Iwaizumi asks through laboured breaths, tongue still halfway ready to dip back in again. 

"Never…" Kindaichi reassures, and there's a glint in Iwaizumi's eye he's not sure he can ever regret seeing. 

_ If there's something you want me to do… It could be anything, anytime. Say it.  _

"Hajime… I… Don't know how to do…  _ this _ , but… you do, so…" Kindaichi doesn't know how he's supposed to say the next bit, because he's shaking a bit and his chest is tight. "Use me." 

Iwaizumi doesn't even pause for a second, grins and leans down to his ear. "I fully intend to." 

The atmosphere changes for a second, Iwaizumi is so close to him, not moving away from his ear. He's breathing softly, tickling his skin. Then Iwaizumi kisses it, then beneath, trails lips over the column of his neck so gently to his Adam's apple. "Hajime…" 

Kindaichi can't move well beneath Iwaizumi, but he doesn't need to. Iwaizumi sucks softly on his Adam's apple, then trails over to his collarbone. "Yuutarou, this might… hurt, a bit…" 

He can't even think to question before Iwaizumi bites down, teeth grinding against bone before pinching flesh between them and sucking _ hard _ . Crying out softly, Kindaichi tries to grab onto something but he can't, hands curling into fists where Iwaizumi has them pinned, only managing to catch a little of the bedsheets in his fingers. 

Even when Iwaizumi pulls back, he drags the skin with it, teeth scraping over the sensitive skin. Kindaichi's body shivers at the feel and his eyes watering send tears down the sides of his face when he blinks. He flinches again when Iwaizumi strokes the area with a flat tongue, whimpering softly. 

"Impressive first hickey." Iwaizumi deadpans before pulling back to admire his handiwork. "How was it?" 

"Painful." Kindaichi says in a strained voice, swallowing through a breath. 

Iwaizumi nuzzles up under his chin, laps at the crease where it meets his neck. "Just like your honesty." 

"I wouldn't… say no to another, though." 

Although it's easier to say now his body runs hot again, Iwaizumi's chuckle in response makes him no less bashful. "Plenty of time for that, I suppose… afterwards." 

Leaning back up over his face, Iwaizumi releases his wrists. It's to steady his balance, Kindaichi understands, when he pulls his other knee up onto the bed so he's straddling him, then walks back on his hands to sit up, and sit back on Kindaichi's thighs. Here, Iwaizumi's chest is on full view, defined pectorals and six pack under dark skin. A bead of sweat drips down it to soak in the waistband of his jeans and  _ oh _ . 

Iwaizumi's jeans are wet. He's still hard,  _ obviously _ hard, but when Kindaichi moves to undo them, Iwaizumi bats his hand away. 

"Hajime, you're…" 

"Kinda difficult  _ not _ to be with this sight," Iwaizumi winks, turning Kindaichi's insides to figurative mush. "You've spent so much time wanting this body for yourself, well, you technically  _ do _ … so let me keep yours…" 

Even seeing them travel to his body, Kindaichi still flinches when Iwaizumi's calloused fingers slide over his toned stomach, followed by his palms, heels of his hands pressing down firmly. They travel up to his chest, Iwaizumi leaning forward with them. Until his palms are flat against his chest, looking straight down from above. 

Having followed the motion with his gaze, Kindaichi doesn't see Iwaizumi's face until he looks up, and it's… strangely serene. Like he wants to be there, like he's supposed to be there, and Kindaichi swallows. 

"Not one thing about you needs to change. I want you to think about that tonight. I want you to believe that with everything you have. Because you're part of me, Yuutarou. And I don't want that part of me to change." 

It's a small breath of respite, while Kindaichi nods, while Iwaizumi kisses his forehead. 

Then Iwaizumi scrambles forward, stretching over so his stomach is in Kindaichi's face. It's all Kindaichi can see, while he listens to Iwaizumi's fumbling. His drawer next to the bed. A switch is clicked - the one for the table lamp - and Iwaizumi moves back down again. "One last question, Yuutarou…" 

Iwaizumi presents clearly in the light of the room a small, white bottle in hand. 

"Top, or bottom?" He asks, turning the bottle over in his hand somewhat nervously. 

Kindaichi's brain may well have short-circuited. All this time it had been so obvious, so… thought-out in his mind and the question caught him off-guard, because… "B-Bottom?"  _ Obviously?  _

"You sure?" Iwaizumi asks softly, genuinely, and it's so  _ Iwaizumi _ , Kindaichi feels a sudden calm. 

Nodding in confident confirmation, Kindaichi smiles. "Definitely." 

It's more methodical than rough, that Iwaizumi maneuvers them both. It's a misconception, Kindaichi notices sometimes, about the firm nature that Iwaizumi deals with things. It's never malicious, never rash. It's fair and it's logical. Everyone gets what they want, everyone goes home happy. 

In this case… Kindaichi gets everything he ever  _ dreamed _ . 

Iwaizumi only dashes away to turn the main light off, leaving the one lamp on the right side of the bed highlighting Kindaichi's body. "Let me know if you're uncomfortable. I'm… not like, an expert, so…" 

Forget uncomfortable, Kindaichi's lying on all the pillows they have! Plus, Iwaizumi is there, and Kindaichi is more comfortable with him than anywhere else. "Hajime, stop worrying… I'm… I'm always comfortable with you…" 

Blushing, Iwaizumi climbs over him again so they're in the same positions as before, only Kindaichi's propped up against the wall a little. "Alright for some… considering you came already. I'm uncomfortable as fuck." 

It's a change in tone, and Kindaichi loves it, despite it being mocking. Suddenly relaxed, informal, the way Iwaizumi says words Kindaichi himself wouldn't - at least, not now Iwaizumi told him not to. That's fine by him, though, such words don't sit well on his tongue.

He doesn't need to mention that he  _ did _ offer before, as Iwaizumi presses a finger to a crease in his forehead. "Sure, I could've just let you do it, but… On the other hand…" 

Iwaizumi's breath ghosts between them, hot, unsteady. Kindaichi doesn't know what to do but watch when Iwaizumi slides fingers into his own waistband. Kindaichi's face and ears burn. He can feel Iwaizumi's gaze on his face and he dreads ever seeing himself in such a state. He might just throw up. 

"I think this is better…" Iwaizumi says breathily, voice an octave lower than Kindaichi remembers it being, somehow still gravely in his throat. It makes him flinch, only resulting in a rumbling laugh from the boy on top of him. 

Kindaichi's eyes flick up to meet his, and he doesn't regret it. Iwaizumi's cheeks have distinctive blotches of red across them. 

"Relax, deep breaths, keep your eyes on me." Iwaizumi orders, eyes sliding shut. "Touch me when you feel comfortable." 

"What-?" Kindaichi asks, cutting himself off when Iwaizumi's hand slides further into his waistband, twisting to cup himself comfortably. His other hand undoes the button of his jeans and pulls down the zip. 

"It's only fair... I give you a show too. Besides… Gotta get you back in the mood." Iwaizumi's voice rumbles, deep and fluid. Gripping himself, his other hand slips its thumb into his waistband, pulls it down over his erection to free it. Kindaichi's mouth waters, but when he swallows it's dry. 

This is his first time seeing Iwaizumi's… no, he can't say it himself, "cock" still feels dirty in his mind. Then again… 

It's thick in his hold, a deep red and glistening in the dim light. When Iwaizumi strokes it, his hips undulate, rock Kindaichi a little on their stiff bed. His own hands stubbornly weave into the bedsheets beside him but he doesn't look away. He watches silently, as Iwaizumi pumps himself slow. 

Honestly, it's beautiful. The dips in Iwaizumi's muscles accentuate from the directional light, and he can see his stomach contract each time he draws his hand down. How can this be real?  _ How _ ? 

Kindaichi watches as Iwaizumi bites his lip, stifling a moan behind it. His body stiffens all at once, hand stopping its movement to just grip at the base of his length. Eyes fluttering, still shut, he takes a breath before continuing, and Kindaichi bites his own lip. 

Should he say something? 

He wants to… 

_ Touch me when you feel comfortable.  _

Slowly, fingers twitching stiffly from the death-grip he had the sheets in, Kindaichi reaches up, ghosts below Iwaizumi's chin tucked to his chest, but just runs the pad of a finger down the small dip between his pecs. It's wet, sheen of sweat sparkling. 

A breath catches in Iwaizumi's throat, and that's when Kindaichi curls fingers around Iwaizumi's wrist. "I think… I'm ready." 

Because in all Iwaizumi's arousal, he's doing this for him, being slow and careful, making sure he's comfortable with everything. There's no throwing in at the deep end, not like with people like Kageyama. It's ease and comfort and everything Kindaichi needs. "Thank fuck for that, Yuutarou," Iwaizumi says, letting out a breath he'd been holding, shoulders falling, "I think… it was a bad idea to be alone in my imagination for a bit, there." 

Kindaichi raises a brow. "Why's that?" 

"I almost came all over you…" 

Heat shoots through him, but it's nothing compared to when Iwaizumi scoots down the bed and curls fingers into Kindaichi's waistband to peel his sweats and boxers off in one go to leave him lying stark naked with barely a few seconds to react. "Hajime!" He exclaims, drawing his knees up a little like it would help to cover himself. "Not even a warning?" 

"Do I hear something?" Iwaizumi teases, practically bouncing where he's swung his legs to sit on the edge of the bed, kicking off his own jeans and boxers. 

He's… excited. 

Maybe too horny. 

Kindaichi grins nervously, sitting up to cross his arms over his knees. "Just impatience." 

"You're telling  _ me _ !" 

"You… looked beautiful… by the way…" Kindaichi adds bashfully, mainly because he doesn't think he'll be able to say it later, and that… he hasn't really complimented Iwaizumi that much recently. 

Kindaichi can see the red tint of Iwaizumi's ears even faced away, but when he turns back his face is stoic. "Maybe, but  _ you _ look hot."

Cheeks flaming, throbbing rapidly along with his heart beat, Kindaichi turns his head into his shoulder. A bedspring pangs, grinding as Iwaizumi moves back to him.

"It's true. You're burning up." Cool fingers brush against his exposed cheek, and he doesn't need to look to know Iwaizumi is beaming. "What I'm going to do to you isn't going to help with that, though."

Kindaichi looks up in time for Iwaizumi to push him back to the bed, swiping the bottle of lube from somewhere to his left. His heart is pounding, but he's ready. Iwaizumi is too, squeezing ample lube into his palm and shuffling to be in Kindaichi's vision between his bent legs.

From the angle, Kindaichi can see his cock standing to attention between his own, disregarded. Instead, Iwaizumi tosses the bottle to the side and with his now free hand, grabs Kindaichi's leg under his knee and pulls it up hard towards him.

A small high-pitched noise of surprise escapes Kindaichi's mouth and his body flushes to his toes. Iwaizumi shuffles a bit more, slides his hand down the back of Kindaichi's thigh, pushing back and folding Kindaichi over. Kindaichi can feel the hard caps of Iwaizumi's knees in his lower back and yet it's the most comfortable he's been tonight.

It's so… easy, how his strong hands just… put him in the position he wants. Inside, Kindaichi is something not quite solid, not quite liquid either. He's floating with a giddiness he hasn't felt since his first kiss. Because Iwaizumi looks down at him through these eyes similar to the ones from that time, and he's realising… this is it, the day he gives himself to Iwaizumi.

Maybe forever.

He hopes forever.

"I love you, Hajime." Kindaichi says, and while it chokes a bit in his throat and is strained from his position, he doesn't feel embarrassed. Not when Iwaizumi blushes harder and easily diverts his attention away from everything.

-

Kindaichi's body recoils, but Iwaizumi tightens his grip to stop him moving. His fingers touch him again, dripping warmed lube over his perineum. He can't handle this. His arousal, his utterly hopeless heart fluttering in his chest. The way Kindaichi seems so calm.

It's not going to be hard to change, Iwaizumi imagines, as he slides his fingers lower to swipe over his entrance. As expected, his body jerks again, and Iwaizumi grins in triumph. "Hold still." He says gruffly, concentrating on massaging his rim with his finger.

Iwaizumi can see how much Kindaichi wants to squirm away, yet push into all the same. The sensations are new to him, so Iwaizumi takes his time, dipping the tip of his finger in when he's relaxed, simply to curl it and pull out.

The sensitivity of the movement, entrance contracting, sends Kindaichi's body to almost ripple and he makes a small muffled noise in his mouth.

It's hot, so damn hot, so he does it again, slipping his middle finger into the first knuckle, teasing it there before pushing to the second.

It's safe to say no-one's ever touched him there, by the way he yelps in surprise. Kindaichi's walls close tight around just his finger. Iwaizumi almost has to stifle a groan, thinking about how tight he'd be.

But first...

His second finger teases next to the first, following a similar routine.  _ Routine _ sounds clinical, but it's not far from it. As much as he would love to shove his fingers in…

"Fuck… You're so tight. I bet you've never…"

Just those words cause Kindaichi to shift, pushing his body down onto his fingers on its own and ripping a guttural moan from an unsuspecting Kindaichi. Well…

Iwaizumi isn't going to last much longer like this.

"Hah-Hajime" Kindaichi gasps, hand flying to his shoulder. "More."

Oh thank the gods… At least it's not  _ stop _ , like he was half expecting… Iwaizumi gives him more,  _ more _ than more, pulling his fingers out before thrusting them back in. Kindaichi's back arches even further, body tensing beneath him.

Kindaichi can never get more beautiful than this, Iwaizumi is sure, until he curls his fingers gently and Kindaichi cries out a noise to the wall that's pure bliss, neck stretched out and tendons tightening.

With tingling cheeks, Iwaizumi resumes a considerate rhythm, soothing the back of Kindaichi's thigh with his other hand. Beneath him, Kindaichi is panting, cock now drooling precome down his stomach. He seems dazed, eyes unfocused. It's perfect, and even when Iwaizumi scissors his fingers, stretching him out, Kindaichi doesn't say a word.

"Yuutarou Kindaichi, speechless. I always had the ability to leave you this way. I thought I had lost it and yet… Now I know this is how I get it back."

Kindaichi beneath him, so out of his mind with lust he can do nothing but cry his name.

OK, maybe his fantasies got ahead of themselves, but at the same time…

"Hajime-"

"Yuutarou, you want more than my fingers?"

A simple moan is all he gets in response, Kindaichi's body beginning to undulate with his thrusts, pushing back onto his fingers unconsciously. The slick sound of lube speeds up along with it. In consideration, Iwaizumi adds a third finger to stretch him, curls them again to brush his prostate as they slide back out.

Again, it's beautiful the way his body shudders, pretty moan falling exhausted from his mouth. "Ready for me, for my cock, Yuutarou?" Iwaizumi asks, licking his dry lips. He runs his fingers over his cock to punctuate, smearing lube over the length. He watches the way Kindaichi's entrance twitches, asking for him.

"Yes, Hajime. Please-" He begs, voice strained. "Do th- _ that _ again…"

Iwaizumi smiles, feeling his blush spread over his back, tingling with excitement. It could also be droplets of sweat dripping down his back and slowly cooling his skin, but all he knows is that he can feel it tenfold like his entire body is hypersensitive. It's a feeling he knows is thanks to Kindaichi, entire body thrumming with pure  _ want _ . Iwaizumi wants him. Wants all of him.

Leaning forward, Iwaizumi pushes his thigh back hard, not caring for the wince where Kindaichi is stiffly positioned. It's only for now, though, to see him.

"Stay relaxed as possible, I'm gonna push in." He says softly, shifting to put himself at Kindaichi's rear. He doesn't know why he's nervous, digging his fingers into Kindaichi's leg so he can't feel his hand shaking. Hand grasped around the base of his cock, he guides it to smear excess lube around Kindaichi's entrance before pressing against it. It's hard not to thrust in in one go, pure animal instinct screaming at him to.

Kindaichi watches him with watery eyes, sure and unwavering. "I-It's OK, you can-"

No more confirmation needed.

He's tight,  _ unbelievably _ tight, just as Iwaizumi imagined. Yet as he thrusts in to the hilt, Kindaichi's entire body  _ allows _ it. Slickened by lube, it takes him in with ease and he's… inside him.

"Yuutarou," Iwaizumi groans, eyes fluttering shut and biting his bottom lip, "Don't move."

Kindaichi doesn't answer. His breaths are short, hot. In an unconscious need for Iwaizumi to move, Kindaichi's walls grip him tight following a wanton moan, the sweaty hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder tensing with it. "Don't stop." Kindaichi counters finally, and even so scared of hurting him, Iwaizumi can't possibly refuse.

He slides his wet hand up Kindaichi's chest and around the back of his neck to find his hair, leans down on his forearm to kiss him. "You asked for it." He says boldly, able to maneuver Kindaichi's leg up over his shoulder bent over him like this.

This is it, the position he's always wanted to see Kindaichi in. He's trembling in new sensations, muscles he doesn't use much anymore stretching to Iwaizumi's wants. Well, if he's not playing volleyball anymore, one thing's for sure… He's still going to get his fair share of exercise like this.

"Finally get to ravage you. That what you want, Yuutarou?" With a slow drag out, Kindaichi whimpers, gasping a breath of air close to Iwaizumi's lips as he thrusts back in again, slow and steady. "That's it. Feels good, doesn't it?"

Kindaichi's other arm slides over his eyes, hiding them. Iwaizumi can see his blush all over and chuckles, taking his arm from his face and pinning it next to him, threading fingers between his. Kindaichi still avoids his gaze, and shuts his eyes on another slow thrust in.

"My shy little kouhai, still trying to hide. You can say that you want it, you know? You want me. You want my body. You want my approval." Kindaichi shudders as he opens his eyes and catches Iwaizumi's gaze. "You want me to fuck you. You want me to  _ use _ you."

Kindaichi's breath stutters. Iwaizumi pulls back and slams in hard, pace quickening so fast Kindaichi doesn't even have a chance to answer. His cry is enough as Iwaizumi curls fingers in his hair and takes his mouth again.

The angle feels good and Iwaizumi has all the leverage he needs to fuck him as hard as he can. He swallows each and every one of Kindaichi's guttural moans, takes Kindaichi's mouth with the same vigour. They both pant between wet kisses, and Iwaizumi has never felt a stronger connection.

Right now, he can practically feel Kindaichi's own ecstasy, feeling his hand slide down his back so he's pulling him closer rather than pushing him away. Even when Iwaizumi pulls back from his mouth, Kindaichi chases him. Only giving up when he can no longer keep his head up, so it falls back against the bed.

Kindaichi's cheeks are a charming shade of red but he's not embarrassed. At least, by the way he's shamelessly moaning open-mouthed to the ceiling, Iwaizumi reckons he doesn't have the mind to be. Even the slick slap of skin and the grinding of overused bedsprings doesn't seem to phase him now.

Trailing soft kisses over Kindaichi's jawline, Iwaizumi murmurs breathily, "So good, Yuutarou." He registers the leg over his shoulder tightening, heel digging into his back almost like asking to go faster, or deeper.

Iwaizumi isn't one to back down from a challenge, however he has something else in mind, untangling his fingers from Kindaichi's on the bed and slowing a little, rocking gently into him. "Hajime-"

"I'm not stopping," Iwaizumi cuts him off, trailing his hand from Kindaichi's head up his arm to pull it from his back, "Just… trust me." He says softly, unable to stop grinning as Kindaichi bites his lip and nods.

Tears track down from his eyes with the movement, and with his free hand Kindaichi wipes them, still letting out a shuddering moan when Iwaizumi pushes in, angled up as he leans back. Here, he can see Kindaichi's cock again, wet and dripping precome. Unable to stop himself, Iwaizumi licks his lips, causing the chest and stomach below him to flush.

"Close? Well, you told me not to stop…" He teases, running a hand over Kindaichi's leg angled up on his shoulder, fingers tracing the inside of his thigh. "And I'm not going to until you're begging to change your mind, Yuutarou."

His nerves don't show through in his voice, and he can't be more thankful that Kindaichi is into it, eyes squeezed shut in realisation. "Hajime, you must… be close, too…"

Incredibly.

But…

Dropping Kindaichi's leg gently from his shoulder, Iwaizumi guides it behind him to mirror the other around his waist, then grabs Kindaichi's hips to pull them toward him, thrusting hard. He hopes it takes away any confidence Kindaichi had to say that. "You want to bet?"

Kindaichi moans at the change in position, back arching again. Iwaizumi trails his fingers up the arch, sliding through a sheet of sticky sweat. Then he lifts him up, pulls him forward without warning.

Well, he doesn't lift for nothing.

Kindaichi's arms whirl, but are quickly safely around his shoulders to hold on and stay upright. He apparently needs it, when he can do nothing but sink all the way onto his cock and  _ wail _ , body unable to move but instinctively buck, walls tightening around Iwaizumi.

Undeniably hitting him deeper, as Kindaichi adjusts, Iwaizumi begins to thrust up. Even so heavy, Kindaichi feels like nothing in his lap, undulating with every thrust and chasing his pleasure with the same instinct. Iwaizumi easily puts a stop to that, gripping his shoulders from behind and pulling him down.

Iwaizumi is stronger than Kindaichi now, restricts his movements so it's only him in control. Fingers dig into Iwaizumi's back where long arms drape over it and hands try to grab him. A pathetic whine crawls up Kindaichi's throat, escapes beneath Iwaizumi's ear.

Kindaichi buries his face in Iwaizumi's neck, panting over hot skin but doing nothing to cool it. Iwaizumi's movements don't slow for a second, his body doesn't seem to allow that, as Kindaichi pants his name in tandem with the movement inside him.

"I got you, relax." Iwaizumi reassures through laboured breaths of his own, digging fingers into Kindaichi's shoulders in petty retaliation. "You might be heavier than me, but I could lift you with one hand." He chuckles, kissing the strained column of Kindaichi's neck.

It takes another few thrusts for Kindaichi to begin to relax again, draped over him and moaning. "So- Deep-" He groans, tensing at a well-timed pull down, Iwaizumi grinding him on his cock.

"So deep inside you, where I've wanted to be for a long time," Iwaizumi admits through open-mouthed kisses to his collarbone, endorphins swirling in his head. "I'm… I'm terrible for wanting it… Yuutarou."

His admiration. His trust. His love. His body. His virginity.

Is it wrong to want all of a person? To ask that of someone? Surely, it must be selfish.

"T-Take it."

Iwaizumi's heart stops for a beat, he's sure.

"Hajime…"

He's crying, he knows he's crying. Watching his own tears roll down Kindaichi's back, he flicks his tongue over hot skin, delivers well on that order.

Using his leverage, Iwaizumi peels himself back, nosing under Kindaichi's chin to look at him, sliding hands down his sides while still setting as brutal a pace as he can. Kindaichi looks wrecked, bottom lip red from being chewed between teeth, but he's smiling.

"As long as you take me."

No more warnings as he tips forward, shoving Kindaichi to the bed roughly. The headboard bashes the wall pretty hard, but neither of them care. Kindaichi's heels lock together, dig into Iwaizumi's back. It's instinct, the position keeping his back arched from the bed. His stomach curved upwards is a sight, shimmering with sweat and drying precome.

Iwaizumi really wants to taste him, but it's not really an option, he wants to see him come like this.

Clearly it's a good position for Kindaichi too, mouth agape and littering moans, gripping onto the bed sheets either side of him. Makes sense, the angle is about right for his prostate.

"Want to make you come again?" Iwaizumi pants, close, so close. Kindaichi gasps as Iwaizumi's fingers slide through the slick fluid on his cock, teasing. "Wait for me."

Biting his tongue, Iwaizumi realigns himself, hands steady on Kindaichi's hips and rocking him forward onto him.

"Please," Kindaichi begs, "I'm-"

Kindaichi's body tenses under him, Iwaizumi can feel him trying to hold it, trying to squirm from his grip to stop himself tipping over. Iwaizumi knows he's hitting his prostate on every thrust in.

"Hajime!" He shouts, close to a sob, but Iwaizumi doesn't let up, squeezing his eyes shut and  _ taking  _ him.

He's sure his fingers are leaving bruises, but Kindaichi doesn't stop him. They're both too far gone now, headboard slamming into the wall with Iwaizumi's forceful thrusts drowning out their desperate moans. "Yuu, Yuu, shit-."

Folding over Kindaichi, Iwaizumi comes, warning falling apart while holds him there, uses him like he had so sweetly asked him to. He rests his head in the dip of Kindaichi's strained neck while he rides out his orgasm, panting against his collarbone.

Kindaichi's arms fly around him to keep him from moving back. His momentum never slows, lost in his desperation for relief, and though too sensitive, exhausted, Iwaizumi continues thrusting against his prostate. Sobbing, Kindaichi digs fingers into Iwaizumi's back. "Please, please," he begs, panting hard, "I need-"

Straining his neck to put himself at Kindaichi's ear, overwhelmed by Kindaichi's willpower, Iwaizumi whispers. "You can come now, Yuutarou."

Like he was just waiting for the command, permission, Kindaichi comes between them with a strangled cry. The way his walls feel around Iwaizumi's cock is too much that Iwaizumi has to stifle a whimper, before he pulls out and Kindaichi does instead.

He's silent while he comes down, eyes fluttering shut. Iwaizumi watches him from above as his legs locked at his back fall away, arms too, falling limp from his shoulders. In a haze, Iwaizumi holds him, slides his arms around him and leans down to kiss Kindaichi's clavicle where his mark blooms soft red, feeling every single shudder and shiver of Kindaichi's aftershocks beneath him.

There's no tension in either of their bodies, and Kindaichi murmurs incoherently under the attention Iwaizumi gives his neck and chest, little kisses and bites he can't help himself but make. "Yuutarou~? Don't fall asleep." Kindaichi's eyes shoot open, as if taking the order seriously, and Iwaizumi chuckles. "So there  _ are _ ways to wear you out, after all."

"Haj'me…" Kindaichi manages, licking his lips. He opens his eyes slowly to look at the ceiling, then they trail over Iwaizumi lying uncaring on top of him. "Was it… good for you?"

"You're nothing but perfect for me, sweetheart."

A red flush blooms all over, and Kindaichi's body shifts. "We… did it."

"How was it for you, Yuutarou?" Iwaizumi asks, pulling back to sit up and reminding himself of the sticky mess Kindaichi shot between them, now smeared over his own chest.

"Incredible."

Kindaichi's eyes don't stray from Iwaizumi while he finds his shirt to wipe them both down, blushing furiously as Iwaizumi comments on the impressive distance - almost up to his chin - and while they settle into the sheets, holding each other close, Kindaichi buries his head bashfully in Iwaizumi's neck.

"I'm sorry." He says, muffled and small. His behaviour is almost comical, but Iwaizumi knows he's horrible at apologies. Acknowledging his wrongdoings was something he'd found difficult since high school, especially to Iwaizumi. He doesn't want to be reprimanded or scolded by him even when he knows he will be, so he rebels and denies until he can no longer.

"I know." Iwaizumi whispers back, feeling muscles curling tighter into him. Something strong blooms in his chest as Iwaizumi hugs him tighter, nuzzling into his hair. "I just want you to be yourself. Because I love  _ you _ , not some dumb façade you put on to impress other people. And tonight? This has all been  _ you _ . Stubborn asshole boyfriend." Iwaizumi jokes, but his voice wobbles a bit.

"I want… to make it up to you." Kindaichi croaks, and Iwaizumi feels wetness at his neck. "For all those times I forgot you… I'm so sorry…"

Biting his lip, Iwaizumi curls around him tightly, close to tears himself. "Oh, don't be sorry, honey, it's not your fault…" He reassures, knowing his own weird phase Kindaichi never had to deal with. "You can make it up to me from now on, hmm?" Iwaizumi strokes a hand through his hair. "I want to be selfish. I want to have you to myself sometimes."

"You can have me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are the reason I keep writing. If you so much as write even one word of feedback, it would mean the world!
> 
> Otherwise, thanks for reading anyway :)


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